People leaving puri

A couple of days ago lia told me that she’s resigning from pshk. I was surprised. Here it comes again, I thought. Some people stay, some people chose the other paths. I just told her the usual stuff, almost generic response, maybe, but it is a sincere comment, special for people like her.

It is not unusual, really. I used to take this quite personally in the beginning of my directorship. But then I realized that I cannot. I realized more and more that sometimes, or maybe most of the times, you have to put aside your personal feelings when you are a leader/manager.

There are, indeed, people I like to be around me in a teamwork. Lia, like rani, hesty, irma, is amongst those people. Also dafi and hadi. Surely as a manager it is a big loss for me to lose excellent members of my team. But it is more than that. It is not only because they are, in their own ways, good companions, but also because I believe that they have so much potentials.

When I think about it, I think I feel sad sometimes because I reflect their potentials to myself. A self-centered way of thinking, but honestly I do think that they can be internationally recognized researchers, or excellent lobbyists, or directors, etc, if they stay here. But of course I am wrong. They are not me. They are individuals who have their own backgrounds, experiences, and goals, according to their environment – family, friends, etc. They have their own contexts. They choose their own paths of life.

The truth is, in the beginning the word “resign” was like a thunder in my ear when it was said by them, but then it became just like the sound of raindrops in October. I was at one time so used to it. I might be surprised a little bit once I heard the word, after that I would have to say a couple of sentences to respond, and then I would shut my office door and think about what to do next. The next day I would sign some papers for them. Also when I have to decide to intentionally let go someone from the team. All the same, I would solicit input from the kids, fulfill the procedure (SP1, SP2), and then I would have to sign the papers and the last payment. After that I would think about the strategy to regenerate the team. Just like the game about triangles of people we played the other day with mas dani. At one point I felt like a machine because of this. But it is just life. And I feel good that I felt that, because that means I am an ordinary humanbeing.

*btw, the comic is from Toothpaste for Dinner