Grey

Yang membuat saya marah meluap-luap adalah: saya marah dan saya hanya bisa menulis tanpa bisa melakukan apa-apa dari sini!!

Tadi pagi saya bangun karena sms: cmh dan bsr ditangkap! Suddenly the grey and rainy seattle weather today unusually reflects in my mood. I have a bad day!

FF always says Indonesia moves even without me so I need not to distract myself by this kind of news (because I always get distracted despite my dissertation writing cum pregnancy condition stress). Sure, I am only a dust in a wind, but I have this passion that cannot be explained logically. Passion could be so irrational.

It is personal to me not only because of the passion but because I was involved very much until he got selected. I worked day and night, I came home in the middle of the night "just" for talking to politicians and the like to get him selected. He knew that, afa, ats, erhp, etc supported that. That's also why I had this emotional feeling when he got elected and I had why" and "so what" questions in my own mind. This was after some fights with ff because he did not understand WHY I was doing it, to which I could not explain rationally, it's just my passion because I trust him and because of my concern about my country (blah!). And I had a bunch of hope I told him directly, not to fall into traps and all that, because that would ruin my trust about him and, in turn, my passion about what I believe.

So here I am, thousands of miles away from him, while he is being detained for an utterly stupid reasons. Saya marah karena saya tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa selain menulis!! I am broken hearted.